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lsergrl
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Name: BiP
Birthday: 4/15/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: Dancing things? My Xbox 360!!! John Wayne Gacy, riding dirt bikes, salad sandwichs, not being lied to, jet skiing, Boohbahs, Animals, Playing in the rain, Xbox, PS2, GBA, Old and new video games, Halo2, Skateboarding, Guitar, Keyboard, Lisa Marx, Azumanga Daioh, Tenchi, Poetry, Writing, Skydiving, California, My sister and her baby, Vegetables, PETA, Michael Myers, Pit bulls, Green cookies, Super milk chan, Compatition, Aquateen hunger force, Softball, Rafting, Listening to people's heart beat, Rock Climbing, Roller Coasters, My 1966 Mustang, Racket Ball, Mud, Jeeps, Watching people sleep, Boats, Driving fast with my eyes closed, The Clash, LONDON!!!, British Accents, Wreaking cars, The colors red & black, Anime, Concerts, Xplay, Morgan Webb, Computers, Dreams, Pretty singers, Sad songs
Expertise: Breathing and walking. 
Occupation: Gamer, Computer Information Sy
Industry: Video Games
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  BiP0L4r BuNNy
MSN: bip0lar_bunny@hotmail.com
Member Since:
10/8/2004
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| You are the reason I smile when I wake up
You are the reason I don't want to say goodbye
You are the reason I look forward to the next day
You are the reason I can't sleep at night
You are the reason I find myself dreaming
You are the reason I want to try
You are the reason I let down my walls
You are the reason I feel butterflies
You are the reason I feel comfortable
You are the reason I laugh at nothing
You are my everything, my world, my bestfriend, my love
I find with each passing day you mean more to me than before
A thousand miles away, yet I let you the closest to me
Everything reminds me of you and everything I do I wish you were there
I ask myself questions...
How have u entangled yourself so much in my heart with nothing but a voice?
How do you manage to make me smile with everything you say?
How do you exist? :)
You're beautiful, sweet, understanding, funny, unique, trustworthy...most of all... you're mine and I, yours.
My first and last thought... always. <3 | | |
| Cry baby ass white people, ain't nobody like u | | |
| I don't trust people, I never have... sometimes I don't even even trust myself. There is one thing I have always trusted though, it has never lied to me, it has never lead me a stray, it has never hurt me, blinded me or abused my unwavering willingness to follow it and that is my heart.
I may choose to ignore it, mask it, tuck it away and build a fantasy around it, but I know.... I always know right from wrong, yes or no, if I'm doing or saying the right thing. I swear to you it seems like it stands up in front of my eyes, my mouth, my soul and yells the right thing to do always... Sometimes it feels like I can do no wrong. I choose to ignore it sometimes.... turn a blind eye as it screams and begs for my attention. Then it hurts... it hurts a pain I can't choose to ignore. I've tried to drown it in liquid, I've tried to drown it in hatred and anger... but nothing, nothing can hide the love I have for well... everything.
I forgive even when I shouldn't, I love even when there is really nothing there to love, and I give every bit of my emotion even when I see I get nothing in return. I try to act like I don't care or that the world isn't somewhere I want to spend my time... but oh the mask I pull over my body trying to hide the one thing I want more than anything in this entire world.... to feel loved.
To have that feeling... to that one person I am everything, I am the reason that they want to breathe, the reason that they want to try and the one thing they can go to and know with every bit of their being that I will always keep them safe.
I can't say that though... oh no, I dare not let the world know my weakness. I let not the world know that I am but a kind hearted loving person who so desperately wants to share everything I have with one other person. I build my wall... I spend all my time trying to understand the hatefulness of the world. I cloud my sadness with my humor and project it so strongly on the mass of the public because for a split second... for one moment to hear someone laugh or enjoy what they have on this Earth makes me smile. It makes me feel something. It makes me happy because for that split second I am the reason for their happiness.
I met a girl, but not just any girl... I've met a lot of girls in my life, but this one is just... well... different. Everyone I have ever met or talked to or dated I either started off thinking, "They are okay, I can grow to like them.".... "It's stable, I can spend my time with them.".... "This is so not going to work, but at least it will pass the time and I won't be lonely."... "God, she is fucking annoying, but ugh shes here."...
This girl... no... this girl was never any of those. She was just.. her. She has never felt "fake" or like she was trying to be something she's not. She came at me and the way she talked, the way she spoke to me.. i don't know how else to explain it but... "This is me, just... me." I didn't have to wonder about anything. I didn't have to guess how she was or what she was hiding because she... well wasn't.
I adore everything about her, I adore everything she shares with me. I appreciate her honesty, her openness, her willingness to just let me in with no fabrications, no lies, no anything. She makes me feel safe, she makes me feel something I have never been able to feel... safe, like she actually, well, i think... no... no... I know, she cares about me. I'm able to tell her things I have never told anyone. I'm able to share with her things I dare not even admit to myself and she takes them... she takes them at face value and she embraces me for nothing more and nothing less than what I truly am. I can be myself... no masks... no walls.... no lies or holding back. I just am, I can breathe.
I've never met someone so amazing and honest, open and loving, so much to give, so much. To be around her for any moment in time is a blessing. To spend time with her is the highlight of my day. I wake up thinking about her, I fall asleep with her on my mind. First and last thought... always.
The best part of all of this... there is complete silence. I don't hear my heart screaming... I don't have to ignore it, mask it, tuck it away and build a fantasy around it. I don't have to ignore anything.... because if I hear anything at all it's just the rhythm of my heartbeat and the way she makes it light up... It's the way she makes me simply, but the most craved thing in my existence... It's the way she makes me happy.
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| These new meds are making me feel funny... like I dunno how to explain it, but I'll try.
Feels like my insides are a balloon thats been filled up way to much and the air is slowly coming out of my fingers.. I feel like I'm about to float away sometimes. I'm breathing fine, like no shortness of breath... but at the same time I feel breathless. Hmm... maybe I'm becoming a vampire! :D
Hopefully not a zombie tho... if you see:
brains..... brains..... so hungry....
Please call someone :P
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